Have you ever been so distracted by thoughts of someone that you could not concentrate? This person consumes your mind day and night. You wander off into LaLa land thinking about what life could be like if you were in a relationship with this person. I have battled many times with my mind. I imagine it is like a battle zone and I could picture army men shooting at each other. It’s loud and combative. This battle is an extreme analysis and overthinking every single thought.
A mixture of questioning and distrusting myself.
Feelings of frustration, fear and sadness take over when I camp out in my head.
All this stemming from a possibility of a relationship.
Because, there may be a possibility of one, my thoughts which lead to my behaviors end up sabotaging what could possibly be a good thing.
I have placed some unrealistic expectations on others without even being aware of it. As I become more aware of my feelings and what triggers them I begin to realize I set myself up to fail right out of the gate. I also realized that these expectations were in ALL my relationships. Girlfriends and work partners. ALL.
Here is a really good example:
He didn’t call which is my EXPECTATION of him. In rational land he does not owe me this. This expectation on him without his knowledge has led to a series of irrational thoughts such as, “He changed his mind about me.” Or “He chose someone else.” As I spiral into this thinking I begin to become frustrated, and upset potentially sabotaging a relationship that never started. In addition, not only was I plagued with thoughts of him. I was distracted by it and had difficulty concentrating on anything. I would continually check my phone to see if I had missed a call or a text. I wanted him to choose me to let me know he was thinking of me. First, I EXPECTED him to call without discussion. In my way of thinking he should just know this. When this EXPECTATION is not met I am frustrated and upset. In addition, not only have I placed an unrealistic expectation on him I have made him responsible for my happiness. If I choose to continue down this path I set myself up to destroy what could potentially be a beautiful thing. This is the perfect set up to ruin it because there is no way he will ever live up to my expectations. The truth is no one ever will. As I choose to make someone else responsible for my happiness I will be continually be disappointed and unhappy.
Because of my set up of making someone else responsible when they don’t meet my expectation I give up and cut them out of my life.
Expectations not met + making someone responsible for my happiness = UNHAPPINESS
Today I choose differently because I know that I am responsible ALWAYS in how I choose to feel. I choose to release the negative energy I single handedly created. I choose to move forward with optimism and love. I choose to not make him or anyone else responsible for my happiness. Happiness is an inside job. I know that there is a possibility that he will not choose me. I am okay with that choice because I know that I am responsible for how I feel today and always. Do I want him to choose me? Totally. I also know that I will continue to be happy even if he doesn’t.
This is how I know that I am ready. I am ready to embrace a healthy, loving and committed relationship in my life. I choose to love with acceptance and embrace love without fear. To take big open hearted risks to allow someone in to my heart. I let go of the outcome because in the end I always come back to me. Where I begin and end. There is no relationship that will complete me.
I want to stand shoulder to shoulder with a man, a true partnership.
A best friend.
Sometimes I find myself going back to those unrealistic expectations and feelings that leave me sad and frustrated. If you find yourself experiencing the same thing, ask yourself.
“What can I do differently?”
“How can I get to a better place than this without relying on the outcome?”